The future scares me.
Shipping is never free.
I like to leave something whenever I go to
someone's house as a momento that I was there.
I'm pretty sure money can buy happiness.
To be successful all you gotta do is under promise but over deliver.
The thought of not having kids is both wonderful and terrible at the same time.
"Sometimes we have two feelings at the same time and that's okay." - Daniel Tiger
Black widow spiders aren't as deadly as they are portrayed to be.
Sometimes you need to fudge the details a little to tell a better story.
When cleaning melty cheese off of anything, wash with cold water first.
I have an irrational fear that my intestines are going to fall out of my belly button.
My mom told me the secret to being happy is having lots of fruit trees in your yard to eat from.
I always want to be open to being wrong.
I fear the day I age out of relevancy.
What do I know? Nothing.
The secret to keeping a clean floor is acquiring a vacuum you get along with.
Don & Dawn are phonetically the same name.
When I'm feeling sad I'll meow loudly in the shower like a lonely street cat.
I confuse Irish accents with pirate accents.
Even terrible people aren't terrible 100% of the time.
I like getting drunk alone more than I should.
I want to be friends with my ex-bf's partner but that would be weird for everyone involved.
I don't understand the appeal of tarot cards, crystals, or essential oils. To me it seems like a marketing ploy to take the disposable income of women.
I regret getting my nose pierced in Miami during spring break of '07.
I don't understand 50% of the jokes I hear but I laugh anyways.