10.06.2022

10:50pm
Black widow spiders aren't as deadly as they are portrayed to be.

09.14.2022

11:04pm
Sometimes you need to fudge the details a little to tell a better story.

09.09.2022

9:39 am
When cleaning melty cheese off of anything, wash with cold water first.

09.09.2022

9:37 am
I have an irrational fear that my intestines are going to fall out of my belly button.

09.04.2022

8:54 pm
My mom told me the secret to being happy is having lots of fruit trees in your yard to eat from.

09.03.2022

3:24 pm
I always want to be open to being wrong.

08.30.2022

9:58 pm
I fear the day I age out of relevancy.

08.29.2022

10:45 pm
What do I know? Nothing.

04.06.2022

11:34 am
The secret to keeping a clean floor is acquiring a vacuum you get along with.

04.06.2022

11:33 am
Don & Dawn are phonetically the same name.

03.23.2022

3:01 pm
When I'm feeling sad I'll meow loudly in the shower like a lonely street cat.

03.06.2022

11:00 pm
I confuse Irish accents with pirate accents.

02.21.2022

8:10 pm
Even terrible people aren't terrible 100% of the time.

02.13.2022

9:37 pm
I like getting drunk alone more than I should.

01.31.2022

9:37 pm
I want to be friends with my ex-bf's partner but that would be weird for everyone involved.

01.25.2022

4:25 pm
I don't understand the appeal of tarot cards, crystals, or essential oils. To me it seems like a marketing ploy to take the disposable income of women.

01.24.2022

9:00 pm
I regret getting my nose pierced in Miami during spring break of '07.

01.20.2022

6:50 pm
I don't understand 50% of the jokes I hear but I laugh anyways.