08.03.2024

11:57am
It's all a social construct.

12:01pm
Do it before you over think it.

07.25.2024

8:35pm
Forgive yourself.

05.29.2024

7:36pm
I don't have what it takes to be a gay man.

05.29.2024

3:33pm
An electric toothbrush will change your life.

3:34pm
You will never regret taking care of your teeth.

05.14.2024

9:56pm
Be warey of people playing the long game.

05.10.2024

1:55pm
Change happens slow and then fast.

05.08.2024

2:37pm
People LIKE being nice. Sometimes the most generous thing to do is to let someone else be generous.

04.30.2024

5:09pm
Nipple hair happens to everyone.

04.26.2024

7:32am
The best time to do something is right when you think of it.

04.24.2024

3:35pm
Never trust a goose.

04.14.2024

9:56pm
My college roommate and I would regularly steal from JC Penney.

02.14.2024

8:41am
My mood depends on the status of my hair.

01.31.2024

7:46pm
Be smart enough to know when to play stupid.

01.24.2024

6:20pm
I've had the same pair of tweezers since I was 16.

12.01.2023

1:20pm
I had a sex dream about Game of Thrones Peter Dinklage and now I blush whenever I see him on TV.

11.12.2023

9:06pm
It didn't have to be this way.

08.25.2023

4:21pm
The future scares me.

06.15.2023

8:42am
Shipping is never free.

04.09.2023

9:28pm
Money can buy happiness.

01.18.2023

9:57pm
To be successful all you gotta do is under promise but over deliver.

01.04.2023

5:25pm
The thought of not having kids is both wonderful and terrible at the same time.

10.06.2022

10:50pm
Black widow spiders aren't as deadly as they are portrayed to be.

09.14.2022

11:04pm
Sometimes you need to fudge the details a little to tell a better story.

09.09.2022

9:39 am
When cleaning melty cheese off of anything, wash with cold water first.

09.09.2022

9:37 am
I have an irrational fear that my intestines are going to fall out of my belly button.

09.04.2022

8:54 pm
My mom told me the secret to being happy is having lots of fruit trees in your yard to eat from.

09.03.2022

3:24 pm
I always want to be open to being wrong.

08.30.2022

9:58 pm
I fear the day I age out of relevancy.

08.29.2022

10:45 pm
What do I know? Nothing.

04.06.2022

11:34 am
The secret to keeping a clean floor is acquiring a vacuum you get along with.

04.06.2022

11:33 am
Don & Dawn are phonetically the same name.

03.23.2022

3:01 pm
When I'm feeling sad I'll meow loudly in the shower like a lonely street cat.

03.06.2022

11:00 pm
I confuse Irish accents with pirate accents.

02.21.2022

8:10 pm
Even terrible people aren't terrible 100% of the time.

02.13.2022

9:37 pm
I like getting drunk alone more than I should.

01.31.2022

9:37 pm
I want to be friends with my ex-bf's partner but that would be weird for everyone involved.

01.25.2022

4:25 pm
I don't understand the appeal of tarot cards, crystals, or essential oils. To me it seems like a marketing ploy to take the disposable income of women.

01.24.2022

9:00 pm
I regret getting my nose pierced in Miami during spring break of '07.

01.20.2022

6:50 pm
I don't understand 50% of the jokes I hear but I laugh anyways.